I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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