the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
