I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
