Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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