I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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