I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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