i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
