just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm always down for nudity.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
