Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
