I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
