we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
