Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
