How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
