i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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