party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
