Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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