So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
