she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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