Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
