dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
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Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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