Heybabeimwearingurpanties
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
