did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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