i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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