My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
