Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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