I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
