oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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