I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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