Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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