Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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