Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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