Your face is a jimmy john
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
