Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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