Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
