i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
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I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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