You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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