I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
