I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She's the barista slut.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
