he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
