i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
