I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
