For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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