we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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