well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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