I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
pray to the hookup gods
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
