Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
