Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i now understand why vodka
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
