At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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