Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
