I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
