just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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