your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
