but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
