Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
