i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
