Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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