and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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