She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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