he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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