My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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