Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
