this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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